How to say no.

How will you know if you should say no ? We have all had the invites we really did not want to go to but have ultimately had a wonderful time. Is there a middle ground?  Ask yourself these questions below-  if you hesitate to say yes to something, but remain unsure.  If everything screams 'no' then 'no' it is.

Does saying yes with my core values ? Does saying yes feel as though it honors to my authentic self ? Or does it go beyind the boundaries I want to set for myself ? Would my internal beliefs and values be compromised ?

How am I feeling now? Will I feel the same on the day in question ? - similar to on the mat when one day seems different to another ask yourself will this feel wrong today or in the future too? Maybe waiting a while before replying? Or assessing your feelings and experiences in the moment if you have had a bad day is that reflecting on your decision making?

How does my body and mind react to the request? 

Listen to how your body and mind react when you get an invitation. Do you feel happy or stressed? Excited or overextended? These could be good indicators. 

How will I feel if I don't go ? Am I curious or uninterested? Will I feel regret or relief ? Where does the scale swing?

Is there a middle ground ? Can you go but set a time limit ? Meet an enthusicatic friend and go together ? Can I meet up with the host another time, with less people/stress?

If you decide to say no - How to say no?  

If the only reason you are saying "yes" is you are unsure how to say "no" or don't want to hurt someone's feelings, here are some ideas. 

• If it doesn't align with your core values try: "This doesn't fit with my current focus."

• Be honest and direct : this shows you have boundaries that are not negotiable and you value the other person's time. If the person persists stay focused. You could use 

• Stick to your decision.

• Keep it simple: "I am not available that day."

• Use "I" statements not "you" statements, this avoids blame. For example "I have other commitments." instead of "You always ask too much of me." 

• Offer alternatives. "I can't help you move this weekend but I can help you unpack next weekend."

• Be empathetic. "I understand  this is important to you, but I can't help right now."

• Set consistent boundaries.  "Sunday evenings are my own time." "I don't drive in the dark."

You can find some examples at Calm - how to say no

 Try to avoid apologizing. Sticking to your principles and respecting your feelings is not something you should apologize for.